The 20th Century Boy: 8/??

[solongsun]

Title: The 20th Century Boy

Author: solongsun  

Rating: mature

Bands: Dir en grey

Pairings: Kaoru/Toshiya

Since early childhood, Kaoru has been using doors to travel backwards and forwards through time: a motion he is sometimes able to control, and sometimes not. At the age of 22, he opens a door to the long-ago autumn of 1996 and finds something he never expected – a man who, decades before Kaoru's birth, seems to know exactly who he is...

It's raining.

'Get him into bed,' somebody's laughing, and there's a soft voice in his ear: 'Toshiya – your keys.'

'Your keys,' Toshiya slurs nonsensically, and he feels more than hears a sigh against his cheek.

He's sagging between two sets of arms, grinning loosely with his eyes closed; already when he thinks back on his birthday party, all he can remember is a dark whirl of faces and of laughter; dancing, sweat, beer, shots, fruity drinks and bitter drinks and drinks so strong they made him cough. Spilled drinks, sticky drinks; the taste of them all is clinging to his lips when he licks them, and he feels a gentle hand fishing around in the tight pocket of his jeans.

'Hold still,' a familiar voice says, still very close to him. He makes the effort to pry his eyes open and swat the hand away, but he finds it's Kyo, sending a level, solemn sort of look into his face whilst hunting over his body for his keys. He finds them at last in the back pocket of his jeans, and unlocks the door with a little huff of relief.

The floor underneath Toshiya's feet moves – or wait – no, he's being moved. He's guided through the doorway of the apartment he's shared with Kyo for the past three years, and he looks to see who has his other arm and it's Die, long red hair swaying distractingly around his shoulders. Gratefully, Toshiya leans against him, and Die laughs; he holds Toshiya up as Kyo kneels on the floor and takes off his shoes. Together, they deposit him on his bed, and Die steps back, stretching out his arms.

'For a skinny guy, he gets heavy after a while.'

'Yes,' Kyo says shortly; he's been in a strange sort of mood all night. 'Are you going back to the party?'

'Course,' Die says easily, 'You coming?'

'No, I'm going to keep an eye on him.'

'Oh, right. You going to be okay?' Die looks like he's concentrating hard.

'We'll be fine.'

'I mean you won't...' Die hiccups, 'Won't let him choke on his own puke or anything, yeah?'

'No, I won't let him choke on his own puke.'

'Okay.' Die blinks, tries to focus. 'Okay, but—'

'Just go, Die,' Kyo says tiredly, 'I want to go to bed.'

Unperturbed by his hostile tone, Die sweeps the small man up into a bone-breaking hug and, releasing him, leans over the bed to drop a smacking kiss on Toshiya's flushed cheek.

'Happy birthday, grown-up,' he slurs, his hair tickling Toshiya's face, 'Sleep it off.'

Toshiya flaps an arm and groans.

 

The next thing he knows the apartment is quiet and dark. He's still lying in the same position and he has his clothes on, and it doesn't feel like very much time has passed. There's water running in the bathroom, and clumsily Toshiya pulls himself upright. His vision swims gently before his eyes, but he blinks until it resolves itself into a series of mostly stationary shapes. Experimentally he gets to his feet, and it's not too bad; by brushing his fingers along the wall he's able to negotiate his way back to the door – the place is so small that it's only a matter of five or six steps – and bend down to start trying to push his feet back into his shoes.

The door to their cold, draughty little bathroom opens with a snap and Kyo stands there in a pair of loose pants that cling to his hipbones, a towel looped around his shoulders and his hair sticking to his face damply. He pushes it back, frowning.

'What the hell are you doing?' he asks, his voice clear and brittle-sounding.

'We said we'd watch the sun rise,' Toshiya says, wobbling and nearly falling; he catches himself on the door, which opens and nearly dumps him out in the hall. Concentrating hard, he shuts it again and continues trying to force his shoes onto his feet.

'We did say that,' Kyo says suspiciously, 'But you're very, very drunk.'

'I'm not that—'

'Yes, you are.'

'Where's everybody else?' Toshiya asks, and Kyo sighs.

'They're all still out.'

'But – Die—?'

'He's with them.'

'He was here.'

'I know. He had to help me get you home.'

There's a silence in which Toshiya finally gets his foot in his shoe, but it's the wrong one. Sighing, he slides to the floor and pulls it off again; puts it on the correct foot this time.

'I want to watch the sun rise,' he says. 'It's the only twentieth birthday I'm ever going to have.'

'It's raining.'

'Not that much.' Toshiya looks up at his friend, smiling.

'You won't be able to see anything.'

'I'm going up on the roof,' Toshiya says decisively. 'You don't have to come with me.'

Kyo makes a quiet groaning noise, rubbing his hands over his face tiredly. But he starts to rifle through his bundle of cast-off clothing for a sweater, and he helps Toshiya with his other shoe.

 

Toshiya's been up on the roof only a handful of times, mostly in the months after they first moved in. They're not supposed to go up there, but the padlock has been broken for as long as they've been living there.

Theirs isn't a particularly tall building but it is at least taller than its neighbours; it rises to seven storeys and from the roof they can see the Tsutenkaku Tower. It's lit up, but the sky behind it is more of a blue than a black. Kyo won't let Toshiya sit on the little lip of a wall that runs around the roof, so he sits down right in the middle of the space even though there are puddles; he feels the rainwater soak through his jeans and starts to shiver.

'You're an idiot,' Kyo says sourly, but he sits down beside him. They watch and wait awhile as the sky slowly, slowly starts to lighten.

'Remember when I first moved in here?' Toshiya asks suddenly.

'Yeah.'

'You said it was only gonna be for six months. Or...or one day.'

'Yes.'

Toshiya gazes up at the sky dreamily. 'I like living here,' he says decisively, and Kyo snorts.

'It's the worst neighbourhood in Osaka.'

'Yeah,' Toshiya agrees. He leans back on his hands and sighs softly, gazing up at the sky. It's more of a blue grey, now. There's a long silence.

'He couldn't come tonight, then?' Kyo asks finally, his voice gentler than it normally is when he talks about Kaoru, and Toshiya gives his head a small shake.

'No.'

He glances over at Kyo in time to see his lips firm, and he shakes his head harder, 'Don't start.'

'No, I think I will start,' Kyo says tightly. 'How long do you plan to let this go on, anyway?'

Toshiya's only answer is a long groan, tipping his head right back, and he feels Kyo glare at him.

'He's treating you like shit,' the shorter man says artlessly.

'No, he's not.'

'Yes, he is. It's your fucking birthday and he couldn't be bothered to be here?'

'It's not that.'

'Then what? Is he not interested in you now that you're an actual, you know, adult?'

The look Toshiya gives Kyo is unusually cold, out of character for him. 'That is not fair,' he says, his voice quiet but firm.

'None of this is fair, and I'm sick of it.'

'Lucky that it's none of your business, then,' Toshiya says.

'When he's making you miserable, it's my business,' Kyo argues staunchly.

'I'm not miserable.'

'You are,' Kyo says, more forcefully than he intended; Toshiya flinches back slightly. There's an uncomfortable quiet between them. It's still drizzling slightly, and there's no visible horizon, and the sky is pale blue and soft with cloud. They don't have a chance of seeing the sun come up, but they both continue to sit there, getting wet.

'How old is he?' Kyo asks after a long moment. 'He's...I mean, he's older. Much older than you.'

'Does it matter,' Toshiya says listlessly.

'How did you meet him?' Kyo asks next, his jaw set stubbornly, and Toshiya directs a wan smile down at his hands.

'I've known him since I was six years old.'

'Since you were six?'

Toshiya nods.

'He's from Nagano too?'

Toshiya shakes his head.

'No, he's not from Nagano. I just know him from then, that's all.'

'That's fucking creepy,' Kyo spits decisively. 'So he, what, he watched you grow up and now he just appears every now and again and fucks you? He's known you since you were six and you don't even have his phone number, or his address?'

There's another long, long silence, because of course Toshiya doesn't have either of those things: Kaoru's apartment most likely has somebody else living in it currently, if it's even been built at all, and knowing Kaoru's phone number would be pointless: you can't call the future, not even when you feel like you'd give everything in the world to be able to do so. Just for a minute.

 

'You don't understand,' Toshiya says at last, his voice strained, 'But I need you to try and trust me with this. It's just that – just, he can't be here all the time.'

'But Toshiya—'

'Trust me, I said.' Toshiya looks at his friend, his eyes large and dark and soft; begging eyes. 'Please trust me. Please believe me. He has a good reason.' He pauses. 'I've never lied to you,' he reminds him gently.

Kyo bites his lip, looks down at his hands.

'I'm worried that he doesn't have a good reason,' he confesses, 'And that you're not seeing it.'

'Why wouldn't I be seeing it?' Toshiya asks patiently, and Kyo sighs.

'Because you're naïve,' he mumbles, 'And because you have a trusting nature, which makes you easy to be taken advantage of.'

Toshiya smiles a little bitterly. 'I'm not as dumb as I look,' he says softly.

'It's nothing to do with being dumb.'

'Yes it is. You think I've been taken in by some stupid story, but I haven't. He's not taking advantage of me, Kyo, I promise.'

Kyo sighs, his breath a plume of white in the early morning cold; it doesn't feel like the first day of April.

'I can't think of a good enough excuse,' he admits, 'To make it all right. I feel like I've gone through every possibility, and none of them are good enough, and he apparently has one but you can't tell me what it is. There's something that makes it okay for him to roll in whenever he feels like it, fuck the shit out of you, and then vanish without a trace for weeks on end, without you hearing a single word from him? How am I supposed to believe something like that?'

'You're supposed to believe it because I'm telling you,' Toshiya says, shooting Kyo a disappointed sort of look. He hesitates, staring down at his hands, 'I wish I could explain it, but I can't.'

'Because it's a secret,' Kyo says mockingly.

'That's right,' Toshiya says levelly. He catches the look on Kyo's face and sighs, leaning his cheek against his friend's shoulder. 'Trust me,' he says again, and woodenly, Kyo puts an arm around him.

 

They sit out until the sky is a uniform grey-white, and then they stand to go. The sun isn't visible, but the lights on the tower have been turned off, and more of the residential buildings around them are showing little yellow squares of window, shadows moving behind them where people are starting to get up and get ready for their day.

Toshiya totters slightly down the steps, and when Kyo lets them back into their shared apartment he falls onto his bed midway through wriggling out of his damp jeans, feeling defeated. Kyo closes the curtains firmly.

'Still drunk,' he asks wryly, 'Or hungover yet?'

'Still the good one.' He kicks his legs limply and Kyo sighs, grabbing his jeans by the ankle and starting to pull.

'You know this wouldn't be an issue if you didn't wear such tight jeans.'

Toshiya holds one skinny arm up in the air and makes a flapping mouth out of his fingers and thumb. Kyo gives a hard yank and the jeans are finally off, and Toshiya starts to attempt to get his T-shirt up over his head but Kyo's hands are already there, tugging at it gently by the hem and working it patiently over his shoulders. Finally it's off, and Toshiya sighs. His underwear has gotten wet through his jeans from sitting in the puddles, and he starts to pull at the waistband ineffectually.

'Toshiya,' Kyo says in a tight sort of voice, and Toshiya rolls limply onto his back.

'They're wet.'

Kyo sighs harshly and Toshiya continues to struggle; the fabric is clinging damply to his skin and being back in the close environment of their room, away from the fresh air, is making him feel even drunker and more useless. His hands won't work the way he wants them to, and he shivers.

'It's cold.'

He hears another long, tetchy sigh, but the hands that cover his own are surprisingly gentle.

'Get your hands out of the way,' Kyo says in an uptight voice. 'I'm not looking, all right?'

'All right,' Toshiya agrees, and raises his hips as much as he can off the bed so Kyo can pull his underwear off him. There's a slightly awkward silence as Kyo gets the clothing down past his knees, and Toshiya thinks he hears him exhale in a relieved kind of way when they're finally all the way off. Messily, he pulls the covers over his naked body.

'Thanks, Kyo,' he says sleepily. 'Night.'

There's a pause. Then: 'Night,' Kyo says back, in a weird tone of voice. Yellow light is coming in through Toshiya's closed eyelids, but there's a snapping sound and it all goes dim again. He can hear the sound of fabric rustling as Kyo takes off his own clothes and drops them in a pile on the floor. There's a period of quiet where he loses track of where the other man is, and then the blanket over his shoulders is being moved and carefully arranged, covering more of him. He smiles faintly.

'Thanks.'

'Whatever.'

 

There's another long silence, but Toshiya can sense Kyo's body still by his bed. He cracks his eyes open and when they adjust to the darkness, he sees Kyo is kneeling on the floor next to him and studying his face very intently.

'What are you doing?' he asks, slurring only a little, and Kyo seems to think about his answer.

'Figuring something out,' he says shortly.

'Right. What?'

Silently, Kyo comes around on the other side of the bed and, taking a deep breath, climbs in behind him. His small form moulds itself to the shape of Toshiya's back, and Toshiya feels it as his hot breath hits his neck; his hands slide around Toshiya's waist, turning him gently, and in the dim morning light edging around the curtains Kyo is suddenly kissing him, one hand fisting tightly in Toshiya's hair and the other clutching at his waist.

For a second, sleepy and confused, Toshiya lets his eyes fall closed; feels Kyo's tongue push against his lower lip and sighs, because he's so lonely.

But Kyo's lips are the wrong shape. There's a piercing that's utterly unfamiliar, pressing cold against Toshiya's skin; his mouth has the wrong taste – not bad, just not right.

'Kyo—' Toshiya pushes him away, startled; he wipes his lips with the back of his hand hesitantly and sees it straight away: the look of utter guilt on his friend's face. Kyo's lips look red and blurred from the kiss and his breathing is faster than normal but he looks so ashamed that he's almost unrecognisable: it's not an expression Toshiya's ever seen on his face before.

It's only visible for a minute and then Kyo is turning his back, climbing out of the bed angrily; he leaves Toshiya lying there shell-shocked as he stalks back across the room and gets under his own covers, his face pointedly to the wall so all Toshiya can see, when he turns, is the back of his head.

'Kyo,' he repeats softly, but wonders what he can possibly say. 'You're straight,' he says finally, knowing it's the wrong thing, and he sees his friend's shoulders go possibly more stiff than they already are.

'I don't want to talk about it,' he says stiffly, 'Forget it.'

He could be drunk, but he doesn't drink. Clumsily Toshiya gets himself out of bed and goes to his friend's side; he lays a gentle hand on his shoulder, feels how tense the muscles are under his skin.

'Kyo,' he says again.

'I mean it,' is the icy response, 'I don't want to talk about it. Fuck off.'

'But Kyo—'

'Fuck off, I said! Are you really this stupid? Get your hands off me.' He pauses only slightly and then: 'You're trash, Hara, you know that? That's why he treats you like he does. Because you're trash and he knows it.'

Toshiya lays his cheek carefully on the edge of Kyo's mattress.

'Since when do you call me Hara?' he asks gently.

He doesn't get an answer, and in time all the alcohol he's drunk catches up with him; he falls asleep like that, legs sprawled out on the floor in an ungainly way and his upper body curled against the side of Kyo's bed.

 

He's still like that hours later, by which time Kyo has lain awake long enough; he has dressed and gone, careful not to disturb the sleeping form collapsed against his mattress. Toshiya doesn't stir as the duvet from his own bed is wrapped around him and tucked in carefully around his shoulders; he doesn't even wake when the door closes behind Kyo with a snap, and because he's so deeply asleep, he doesn't see the astonishing thing that happens to the patch of blank wall behind him: one moment it's just as it was, and the next it's sort of swinging wide to reveal a great blackness beyond; darkness, darkness, but at the very end of it a hint of something bright, a shining future too small and distant to make out, improbably proportioned, like something viewed through the wrong end of a telescope. It's only for a moment, but then the wall is back to normal, and he's no longer alone.

Toshiya is dreaming when a small hand sweeps the hair back from his face and tucks it behind his ear, strokes his cheek softly.

'Toshiya.'

Just a soft voice. His eyes struggle open blearily, and he smiles in relief against the sheets.

'You came,' he says, his voice thick and hoarse from sleep.

Comments

[thehamhamheaven]

Oh geez, poor Kyo. I wondered if there was more to his protectiveness than friendship, and now it seems like there is at least some attraction there. An attraction that's never going to lead anywhere, because Totchi's got eyes for no one but Kaoru. And from Kyo's perspective it is a very shady relationship. You're going to make me cry in this one too, aren't you!

[solongsun]

I'm won't be satisfied until you're mildly dehydrated.

No, really, glad this is speaking to you in some way! I know it's an unpopular pairing these days, but it's my real OTP and I love it to death. Thank you for reading!

[reilaflowers]

I'm glad Kaoru was able to come, even if it was late.

[thehamhamheaven]

Joke's on you; I'm already dehydrated. Wait....

I honestly don't know which pairings are popular in the fandom anymore. There are few enough people writing, I feel as though none of us can afford to be terribly picky. Anyway, good writing is the important part. An author telling an interesting story can make any pairing believable, and you're certainly doing so with these two.

[solongsun]

Ah, thank you! You're always so kind.